By the end of winter, I’m not the only one crying the blues.
Some of you LOVE winter. That’s fine with me. I’m not offended. But some of us have to dig deep to remain cheerful and upbeat for the first three months of each year.
We live in an old, 1885 home. It’s never quite snug and warm in every room.
Winter seems to bring a blizzard of troubles, too. It’s as if the minions of hell know we’re at our weakest.
One year we discovered we had to rebuild part of our foundation in FEBRUARY! Just as we had the floor open semi-permanently, a major cold snap hit. It makes me shudder, still, to think about that.
Inevitably my husband succumbs to weeks of a semi-bedridden state. I pick up the slack. Once it was MRSA. Other times, the old immune system just bottomed out.
So enough already of this list of winter miseries. What are some ways to combat the blues?
1.) Try very hard to get out of the house to worship in the Lord’s Day.
I’ll be brutally honest here. There’s been many a Sunday when I open my eyes and can’t feel like getting out of bed. I have to shake myself and make myself get up.
Maybe your husband can’t go at all. Or maybe you are the caregiver for someone bedridden. Maybe http://www.sermonaudio.com can become a secondary church service for you.
I would still encourage you to ask for some help or a fill-in companion so that you can touch base with God’s people in person at least sometimes. The Lord places a special importance on gathering together. Hebrews 10:24-25. David, the Psalmist, speaks of his gladness in going up to the house of the LORD.
I rarely leave worship without at least one encouraging nugget of truth to carry with me.
2.) Say yes to visitors.
I’ve been regretful that I’ve not exercised more of an open door policy. To my shame, I’m always worried about my home being in an acceptable state. My food might not be the finest. Really? Is that important? The simple gift of company is a worth it!
When I’ve invited a guest from church or local friends to visit us, it has done a world of good for my family’s morale. We. Feel. Almost. Normal. Today we had company. It was wonderful! My food? Hmmm… not terrific.
Right now, I have someone else I need to invite over. It’s on my to-do list. The meal will be simple. I will only clean a few rooms. That’s the best I can do.
What about you? Too tired to cook and clean for company? I hear you! Maybe you could even just do snacks on the back patio? Or a cup of tea and sliced apples with a friend? Make the visit as low stress and restful as possible.
3.) Most importantly, know that God is with you in the valley of the shadow, in all the winter seasons of life. His love is your greatest hope! Here’s a passage I’ve thought about all week.
“Although the fig tree shall not blossom,
neither shall fruit be in the vines;
the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat;
the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls:
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD.
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hind’s feet, and He will make me to walk upon mine high places.”
The context of these words is fear, trouble, judgement of the nations, and the depth of human tragedy and brokenness.
It’s like being frozen in winter miles from anyone with hungry wolves surrounding you. You alone facing the whole wolf pack…
The prophet finds light and joy in one Source alone. He finds conquering strength. He finds the ability to teeter on the edge of precipices of trouble with the agility of a mountain goat.
In the end, dear caregiving wife, only the LORD can cause you to overcome.
With the eternal aid of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we can find joy on this journey even in our sorrow, weary bodies, and worn souls. Praying we will overcome together.
Thine be the glory forever and ever, Amen.
Confession: I recently got razzed by my husband for indulging in a bit of southern gospel.
To be fair, I returned the favor by mentioning his return to his childhood roots. This genre of music, ahem, largely focuses on how sad and lonesome you are because your lover left you in the dust, the dog died, the bills are piling up, and the old pick-up truck’s run its last mile.
To tell you the truth, my life kind of looks like his genre of music.
When I got a request from a reader for a post on the lonely side of caregiving, it hit an instant chord with me. If you’re a long-term caregiver, it’s especially true. I was reminded again that caregivers deal with this constantly, but we aren’t the only ones feeling lonely!
One of my senior saints told me again this week for the upteenth and maybe last time, “It’s a great life if you don’t weaken.”
She and her husband have walked with Jesus for more than forty years. They’re in their eighties. He’s faced two bouts of cancer. Since December her husband has been in and out of the hospital. Last week, their only nearby daughter was in the ICU while they were packing and moving into a senior apartment.
I sat and cried and hugged her. I have never seen her so sad and lonely. “My daughter’s been my rock. I’ve leaned on her a lot. She would be right here helping me today. Now I don’t even know what is wrong with her!”
All the while, her home of more than forty years was suddenly being torn apart like a living plant being ripped up by the roots. This lady has literally kept most things in the same spot for the past ten years that I’ve done housekeeping for them. Every. Single. Item.
My tears dripped and mingled with hers. I wonder if her heart will ever recover from this dual shock. Yet, I pray in hope – hope for her and for myself.
Where is the hope in this, you wonder?
If you’re at all like me, no one near you know really understands your struggles as a wife to a chronically ill husband.
At home you don’t share your struggles because you don’t want to further depress your struggling spouse.
You certainly don’t want to discourage your children, if you’re a parent.
There’s no human being to talk to, you feel like, who will listen with compassion and not criticize your already bruised heart. However, like me, you have friends. Christian friends who love the Lord — they express their care and compassion in the ways they know how.
But you are too busy trying to survive to get to their Bible studies, their ladies’ nights out, etc., because you are literally doing the job of two people at home. It’s incredibly hard to find time to invest in other relationships.
Jesus is our only true hope in loneliness. My relationship to Him is my top investment.
His hands have made and fashioned me. (Psalm 139) He knows my every move and my every thought. Have you read this passage lately? Put your name into it as you read!
I can pour out all my feelings and needs to Him without shame, because He already knows what I’m struggling with at the moment.
When I do have shame because of sin, I can freely confess this and be freely forgiven. His wounds have paid my ransom.
While we can never receive from another human being this level of understanding, we should not cut ourselves off from Christ’s body, either.
We want to let Christ make us better, not allow ourselves to be bitter.
We have to be willing to continue to love Christ’s body even when it’s messy, even ugly, and imperfect, just like us.
Some things you just cannot share.
Some things will never be understood by someone who has never walked this road.
But share what you can. It takes courage.
Be willing to have some vulnerability. Be willing to say to that friend who asks how things are going, “Yes, life is incredibly challenging. Pray for me to juggle wisely! Or, pray for this upcoming doctor’s visit to actually be worth our time and effort.”
I recently told a friend that my husband has been walking through a very dark valley. She knew this partially already because of some things he had (unwisely) posted on the internet. Sigh.
But, she didn’t know the whole story. I couldn’t and won’t tell her everything, but I did share what I could. If she could see the whole picture, like God does, her perspective would be very different. She’s not God. Neither am I. But I’m the one person on earth that should have the most compassion and understanding for my husband. That’s what Jesus wants from me.
Even Jesus’ closest friends fell asleep during his hour of deepest need. Peter even betrayed him. Jesus does understand loneliness.
I’ve come to understand you have to choose your “inner circle” wisely. Shut out the negative. Shut out those who think they’re helping by criticizing, at least in the sense of limiting contact. But make sure you also keep those close to your heart who truly love Jesus.
Soak yourself in what is true, lovely, and right. Once again, may I recommend the Psalms?
True love and understanding waits for you right here. There is not a sorrow or struggle you feel that isn’t mentioned in the Psalms.
I also love the book of John where Jesus gives out the different I AMs. I am the Bread of Life. I am the Living Water. I am the True Vine. I am the Good Shepherd. I am the Light of the World. All I need, He is.
Then there’s Isaiah. The gospel and Jesus are so clearly seen in this book, it’s amazing. Parts of it read like a Psalm. For sure, the prophet knew his Messiah!
The Word. The Church. Christ’s Bride. I find these to be true cures for loneliness. I hope this helps you battle loneliness, too. How may I pray for you this week?