(Found this art on Facebook with no credits. So, to whomever, thank you!)
Our church celebrates the Resurrection. Every. Single. Week. What a hope-filled day!
I can tell you from personal experience when someone you love is dying or has died being surrounded by those who love God makes a huge difference.
That upper room filled with grieving disciples, well, I can just imagine it. They were together. They were looking for HOPE when all seemed hopeless. They were comforting one another. They were living in community.
Chronic illness and caregiving is isolating. Depending on the degree illness — so very isolating. Hanging on to hope, to friendship, even, can seem like a lost cause.
Recently I spoke to a senior saint who cared for her husband. She said she lived from years at the edge of our small town and didn’t know anybody! I was heartbroken for her.
If you’re single-handedly supporting the family and picking up the slack at home, time for fellowship doesn’t seem possible.
I’m telling you now, don’t walk this road alone! Just don’t! You’ll end up being sheep-steak for the Enemy!
Get on your knees now and ask. Keep asking. I’m telling you, I needed local friends in the worst way, and God has provided. Pray this for your husbands, too.
Remember Pilgrim of Pilgrim’s Progress? He lost his friend Faithful to a martyr’s death. Then God sent him Hopeful. Love that! Pray for a Hopeful. Pray for a friend who will love, encourage, and keep you on track. I think that is a Biblical prayer.
I’m hoping you’ll also find community and encouragement here on this blog. The Apostle Paul loved and prayed for the Roman Christians before he laid eyes on them.
Let’s be that loving community of the broken.
Let’s lift up each other’s feeble hands and weary feet.
Let’s pray for each other, near and far.
Let’s look for hope in our Risen Lord and Coming King today and every day.
That’s what I like to think my blog is: a store house of comfort.
A place that is real.
Caregiving wives have their hands full in a different sort of way. You and I need to feel we are not alone.
This week I received a lovely little surprise in the mail. A lady in our church mailed a new devotional to me. Her gift will go on my upcoming post “ways to help your hurting friend” list. So I’ve been taking time to rest, refresh, and read for my soul’s sake today.
Otherwise, this coming week is so busy, so stressful that I could just quit. Quit. Right. Now.
Ever had one of those weeks? Where does a caregiving wife go to hand in her resignation? Especially when the weeks and months ahead look just as intense!
Time for a focus reboot.
Time to quit for one day. One beautiful day in seven exists in which God Himself chose to rest from His creation labors. Time to sit and cry and read and pray in my chair in a quiet house (for the moment). So let me share from my beautiful devotional today, okay?
January 11…”Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. (Isaiah 40:1)
“Store up comfort. This was the prophet Isaiah’s mission.
The world is full of hurting and comfortless hearts.
But before you will be competent for this lofty ministry, you must be trained.
And your training is extremely costly, for to make it complete, you too must endure the same afflictions that are wringing countless hearts of tears and blood.
Consequently your own life becomes the hospital ward where you are taught the divine art of comfort.
You will be wounded so that in the binding up of your wounds by the Great Physician, you may learn how to render first aid to the wounded everywhere.
Do you wonder why you are having to experience some great sorrow?
Over the next ten years you will find many others afflicted in the same way. You will tell them how you suffered and how you were comforted.
As the story unfolds, God will apply the anesthetic He once used on you to them.
Then in the eager look followed by the gleam of hope that chases the shadow of despair from the soul, you will know why you were afflicted.
And you will bless God for the discipline that filled your life with such a treasure of experience and helpfulness. (No author given, just says selected.)”
This sweet comfort reads like a sermon on II Corinthians 1:3-6
“Blessed be the God even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies,
and the God of all comfort;
Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble by the comfort which we ourselves are comforted of God.
For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so also our consolation abounds by Christ.
And whether we be afflicted it is for your consolation and salvation,
which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer:
or whether we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.”
Praying you, too, will find comfort and strength for this coming week, dear sisters.
By the end of winter, I’m not the only one crying the blues.
Some of you LOVE winter. That’s fine with me. I’m not offended. But some of us have to dig deep to remain cheerful and upbeat for the first three months of each year.
We live in an old, 1885 home. It’s never quite snug and warm in every room.
Winter seems to bring a blizzard of troubles, too. It’s as if the minions of hell know we’re at our weakest.
One year we discovered we had to rebuild part of our foundation in FEBRUARY! Just as we had the floor open semi-permanently, a major cold snap hit. It makes me shudder, still, to think about that.
Inevitably my husband succumbs to weeks of a semi-bedridden state. I pick up the slack. Once it was MRSA. Other times, the old immune system just bottomed out.
So enough already of this list of winter miseries. What are some ways to combat the blues?
1.) Try very hard to get out of the house to worship in the Lord’s Day.
I’ll be brutally honest here. There’s been many a Sunday when I open my eyes and can’t feel like getting out of bed. I have to shake myself and make myself get up.
Maybe your husband can’t go at all. Or maybe you are the caregiver for someone bedridden. Maybe http://www.sermonaudio.com can become a secondary church service for you.
I would still encourage you to ask for some help or a fill-in companion so that you can touch base with God’s people in person at least sometimes. The Lord places a special importance on gathering together. Hebrews 10:24-25. David, the Psalmist, speaks of his gladness in going up to the house of the LORD.
I rarely leave worship without at least one encouraging nugget of truth to carry with me.
2.) Say yes to visitors.
I’ve been regretful that I’ve not exercised more of an open door policy. To my shame, I’m always worried about my home being in an acceptable state. My food might not be the finest. Really? Is that important? The simple gift of company is a worth it!
When I’ve invited a guest from church or local friends to visit us, it has done a world of good for my family’s morale. We. Feel. Almost. Normal. Today we had company. It was wonderful! My food? Hmmm… not terrific.
Right now, I have someone else I need to invite over. It’s on my to-do list. The meal will be simple. I will only clean a few rooms. That’s the best I can do.
What about you? Too tired to cook and clean for company? I hear you! Maybe you could even just do snacks on the back patio? Or a cup of tea and sliced apples with a friend? Make the visit as low stress and restful as possible.
3.) Most importantly, know that God is with you in the valley of the shadow, in all the winter seasons of life. His love is your greatest hope! Here’s a passage I’ve thought about all week.
“Although the fig tree shall not blossom,
neither shall fruit be in the vines;
the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat;
the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls:
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD.
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hind’s feet, and He will make me to walk upon mine high places.”
The context of these words is fear, trouble, judgement of the nations, and the depth of human tragedy and brokenness.
It’s like being frozen in winter miles from anyone with hungry wolves surrounding you. You alone facing the whole wolf pack…
The prophet finds light and joy in one Source alone. He finds conquering strength. He finds the ability to teeter on the edge of precipices of trouble with the agility of a mountain goat.
In the end, dear caregiving wife, only the LORD can cause you to overcome.
With the eternal aid of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we can find joy on this journey even in our sorrow, weary bodies, and worn souls. Praying we will overcome together.
Confession: I recently got razzed by my husband for indulging in a bit of southern gospel.
To be fair, I returned the favor by mentioning his return to his childhood roots. This genre of music, ahem, largely focuses on how sad and lonesome you are because your lover left you in the dust, the dog died, the bills are piling up, and the old pick-up truck’s run its last mile.
To tell you the truth, my life kind of looks like his genre of music.
When I got a request from a reader for a post on the lonely side of caregiving, it hit an instant chord with me. If you’re a long-term caregiver, it’s especially true. I was reminded again that caregivers deal with this constantly, but we aren’t the only ones feeling lonely!
One of my senior saints told me again this week for the upteenth and maybe last time, “It’s a great life if you don’t weaken.”
She and her husband have walked with Jesus for more than forty years. They’re in their eighties. He’s faced two bouts of cancer. Since December her husband has been in and out of the hospital. Last week, their only nearby daughter was in the ICU while they were packing and moving into a senior apartment.
I sat and cried and hugged her. I have never seen her so sad and lonely. “My daughter’s been my rock. I’ve leaned on her a lot. She would be right here helping me today. Now I don’t even know what is wrong with her!”
All the while, her home of more than forty years was suddenly being torn apart like a living plant being ripped up by the roots. This lady has literally kept most things in the same spot for the past ten years that I’ve done housekeeping for them. Every. Single. Item.
My tears dripped and mingled with hers. I wonder if her heart will ever recover from this dual shock. Yet, I pray in hope – hope for her and for myself.
Where is the hope in this, you wonder?
If you’re at all like me, no one near you know really understands your struggles as a wife to a chronically ill husband.
At home you don’t share your struggles because you don’t want to further depress your struggling spouse.
You certainly don’t want to discourage your children, if you’re a parent.
There’s no human being to talk to, you feel like, who will listen with compassion and not criticize your already bruised heart. However, like me, you have friends. Christian friends who love the Lord — they express their care and compassion in the ways they know how.
But you are too busy trying to survive to get to their Bible studies, their ladies’ nights out, etc., because you are literally doing the job of two people at home. It’s incredibly hard to find time to invest in other relationships.
Jesus is our only true hope in loneliness. My relationship to Him is my top investment.
His hands have made and fashioned me. (Psalm 139) He knows my every move and my every thought. Have you read this passage lately? Put your name into it as you read!
I can pour out all my feelings and needs to Him without shame, because He already knows what I’m struggling with at the moment.
When I do have shame because of sin, I can freely confess this and be freely forgiven. His wounds have paid my ransom.
While we can never receive from another human being this level of understanding, we should not cut ourselves off from Christ’s body, either.
We want to let Christ make us better, not allow ourselves to be bitter.
We have to be willing to continue to love Christ’s body even when it’s messy, even ugly, and imperfect, just like us.
Some things you just cannot share.
Some things will never be understood by someone who has never walked this road.
But share what you can. It takes courage.
Be willing to have some vulnerability. Be willing to say to that friend who asks how things are going, “Yes, life is incredibly challenging. Pray for me to juggle wisely! Or, pray for this upcoming doctor’s visit to actually be worth our time and effort.”
I recently told a friend that my husband has been walking through a very dark valley. She knew this partially already because of some things he had (unwisely) posted on the internet. Sigh.
But, she didn’t know the whole story. I couldn’t and won’t tell her everything, but I did share what I could. If she could see the whole picture, like God does, her perspective would be very different. She’s not God. Neither am I. But I’m the one person on earth that should have the most compassion and understanding for my husband. That’s what Jesus wants from me.
Even Jesus’ closest friends fell asleep during his hour of deepest need. Peter even betrayed him. Jesus does understand loneliness.
I’ve come to understand you have to choose your “inner circle” wisely. Shut out the negative. Shut out those who think they’re helping by criticizing, at least in the sense of limiting contact. But make sure you also keep those close to your heart who truly love Jesus.
Soak yourself in what is true, lovely, and right. Once again, may I recommend the Psalms?
True love and understanding waits for you right here. There is not a sorrow or struggle you feel that isn’t mentioned in the Psalms.
I also love the book of John where Jesus gives out the different I AMs. I am the Bread of Life. I am the Living Water. I am the True Vine. I am the Good Shepherd. I am the Light of the World. All I need, He is.
Then there’s Isaiah. The gospel and Jesus are so clearly seen in this book, it’s amazing. Parts of it read like a Psalm. For sure, the prophet knew his Messiah!
The Word. The Church. Christ’s Bride. I find these to be true cures for loneliness. I hope this helps you battle loneliness, too. How may I pray for you this week?
Dear Sister in Christ, dear fellow care-giving wife, it’s the best of days when you are mind-blown, blown away, filled to overflowing with the knowledge of God’s love for you.
NOT all days are like this. In fact, most days we trudge along. One step, one foot in front of the other.
Then God takes off the blinders when you just refuse to let go of Him and His love. God, I will not let you go unless you bless me. Like Job, you know deep down — though He slay me, I will trust in Him.
Just one tiny glimpse of a few truths of Scripture where God shows His love, and I feel like the richest lady on earth. I’m writing this to remember this day. I’m setting up my memorial stones, and telling myself, remember. Don’t forget. God loves you dearly, fully, completely in Christ Jesus.
I want to tell you, too. I’m hoping you will be encouraged along with me. If you’re at all like me, you need it. You struggle like me to desperately believe and hang on to hope in God’s unfailing goodness and love for you.
What sparked this epiphany? Valentines Day? Naaah. Actually, that’s a hard holiday for those of us whose husbands are too laid up with health issues to be that romantic knight in shining armor.
In fact, I’ll turn off my FB feed that day. I don’t need to feed the feelings of longing when I see my friends light up and share all the wonderful things their truly good hubs do for them. I am blessed by their godly love. I really am. But I don’t need to wallow in what I am missing.
What I have is actually waaay more wonderful!
The Lord my Maker is my Husband.
He sings over me.
He rejoices over me.
He came looking for me, and brought me into His house of love.
He says all the riches of His eternal kingdom are mine forever.
He tells me over and over that He will provide for my needs. And He has. So very faithfully and just in time.
Where do I see His love painted in such big, broad brushstrokes? First, in Jesus’ broken body, hanging on the cross for my sins, eternal love is painted in blood.
Next, I see His compassion poured out on those whom society rejected: the weak, the blind, the sick, the lame, the lepers, the prostitutes, the tax collectors (thieves by their day’s standards), and the Prodigal Son. This means compassion for sick husbands, too, unable to provide for their wives.
The disabled, the abnormal, the “special needs” among us all find equal grace and equal royal privileges at the foot of the cross.
Let me illustrate this point.
In the Bible, mentioned more than once, are a special category of people called “eunuchs”. Ha! I’d always glossed over that until recently.
Eunuchs are a special class of people also mentioned in Augustine’s works, known as “hermaphrodites”. A certain class of these were forbidden by the Law of Moses to enter into temple worship. (Deut. 23:2) Outcasts by no fault of their own.
But Jesus did not ignore this problem. (Matt. 29:12) In fact, unique prophecies included eunuchs with amazing promises given to them.
One of the most remarkable of these eunuchs was Daniel. A man who could not enter God’s temple entered into God’s presence in prayer so faithfully that angels literally fought the powers of hell to bring answers to his prayers.
In Isaiah 56 God lavishes beautiful, rich promises on these persons with special needs and physical abnormalities.
Finally, in a burst of gospel beauty, Philip encounters the Ethiopian eunuch who is reading Isaiah. Philip is specifically commanded by the Spirit to speak to the eunuch about Jesus.
The eunuch then asks a loaded question,
” What prevents me from being baptized?” Acts 8:26-28
Philip, a blue-blood Jew, understood what doors God’s grace had opened.
Boom! Baptized then and there. No second-class church membership for this eunuch.
In Christ alone we find this wholeness, a total acceptance in the Beloved. His perfect love lavishes His perfect beauty on His children. Now that’s more than any husband could give to me this Valentine’s Day.
There’s a reason the Navy has a saying, almost like a blessing, “Fair winds and following seas.”
The fear factor of ocean travel has always been a level ten for me. I think it’s amazing! I wonder at the vast courage of a several thousands of years of men, women, and children who have embarked on multitudes of sea voyages.
Without the hundreds of thousands of brave travelers, we would not have the global knowledge and technological advances we enjoy today.
The Horatio Hornblower movies, BBC version, was like viewing a foreign world for me. The vast unknown and the thought of a wild storm at sea makes me a landlubber. A cozy home, a bit of solid earth under my feet, a garden, loving friends and family nearby, and a few animals, well, that’s my happy place. My comfort zone.
Just a few weeks ago, one of my husband’s doctors said his body was undergoing “The Perfect Storm.” More bad news.
It’s a wild ride here. Things beyond our control, and out of the doctor’s control are raging in our lives right now. Like a ship being tossed by waves that are several stories high, we have no idea how to survive this. God is our only Rock of safety and Refuge in this storm. There’s no other Help for us. We’re not shaking our fists at Him.
Even when and if the storm ceases, our ship is never going to look the same again. Not here on this earth. Battered, scarred, broken pieces dangling and useless… at least that’s what we’re tempted to think right now in the middle of the raging seas.
Maybe broken is beautiful?! God’s plans are not lost at sea. He brings all of His children safely to the Golden Shore. No wonder Jesus slept through the storm while his disciples thought, “Don’t you care that we are about to DIE?” He trusted His Father completely.
Guess what? I’m waaay out of my comfort zone as a care-giving wife. It’s not a voyage I would have chosen. Lately I’ve done a lot of yelling and crying out in fear, just like Peter’s failed attempt to walk on water. “Lord, save me.” I do trust You. I’m just not perfectly trusting like Jesus who could sleep in the middle of a massive storm. “Lord, help my unbelief.”
I cannot possibly fathom the outcome of this storm. I don’t know how to navigate these stormy seas by myself. I cry. every. single. day.
I know for sure some of you ladies are right there with me. The sisterhood of the storm-battered and broken. So I’m reminding all of us, myself most of all, of three simple ways to let Jesus pilot us through these storms.
Number one: Keep God’s Word before you every single day. Listen. Read. Write down a verse.
I am blessed to have the Psalms on CD. I sometimes have time to listen to Sermon Audio online. The Lord’s Day finds me in church. At times I cannot hold back the tears as God’s Word echoes truth to my heart. Truth is my life raft.
Number two: Tell God every single thing. Every doubt. Every fear. Every angry thought. He hears your cry above the howling storm.
He already knows. Pour out your heart before Him. He can take it. Quite possibly no other human can. We’re tempted to really wish they could. It’s impossible for us to fully understand anothers’ burden. Even Christian counselors can’t see every facet of what is going on in your story. Helpful, but not always right. Like Job’s friends and wise counselors, none of them got it quite right, though they did have a lot of godly knowledge.
However, God knows every last hair on your head. While He often does use others to help guide us on our way, when the going gets too complicated, His wisdom never fails. Cry out to God who alone is our salvation.
Number three: Remember you are not the first or only person to sail through impossibly stormy seas.
Check out Hebrews 11 through 13. Read the stories of brave folk who lived through wars. I love a couple biographies, especially. One of them has been made into a movie, The Hiding Place. Corrie Ten Boom and her family were doing God’s work in Holland during WWII, rescuing Jews who were being rounded up by the Nazis.
Then some ugly, twisted soul tipped off the Gestapo. Corrie, her sickly sister Betsie, and her aged father were sent to concentration camps. Corrie was the only one to physically survive to tell the story. Beatings, starvation, personal humiliation, slave labor, cold, illness, fleas, watching her sister suffer, and not being able to bury her — she survived raging seas and stormy sorrow.
She lived to praise and glorify God, though her ship was battered and scarred.
Now that’s how I want my story to end. What about you? Are you hanging on for dear life? Post in the comments section, so we can pray for each other.
I read through the little book of Zephaniah today.(We’re snowed in.)
Have you ever read the minor prophets? It’s not for the faint of heart. Unlike the positivity thinking so prevalent in today’s American churches, these books do not gloss over the negative. Zephaniah is a short, one-two punch. Judgement is coming. God’s people and the church leaders (ch. 3:4) are among the guilty. Brace yourself.
The contrasts in God’s declarations are so vivid, it makes one reel with the truths revealed.
One example: “I will utterly consume man and beast; I will consume the fowls of the heaven, and the fish of the sea, and the stumbling blocks with the wicked; and I will cut off man from the land, says the LORD.” Zeph. 1:2-3
The contrast: ” Seek the LORD, all you meek of the earth, which have wrought His judgment; seek righteousness, seek meekness: it may be he shall be hid in the day of the LORD’S anger.” Zeph. 2:3
Maybe, like me, you struggle to deal with the changes that chronic illness brings. Just when you thought you may have one phase mastered, a new twist hits. The meds change, diagnosis shifts, the doctor scenario changes –a lot hinges on a good doctor — and your life is turned upside down yet again.
Chaos, war, judgment, destruction! Where is the hope in this? Keep reading!
“The just LORD is in the midst thereof; He will not do iniquity: every morning doth he bring His judgment to light, he faileth not; but the unjust knoweth no shame.” Zeph. 3:5
The just LORD does not sin. He is in the middle of our lives, working in ways we cannot fathom.
One evidence of His true work in our lives is the same fruit He gives those who trusted Him in Zephaniah’s prophecy: ” The remnant of Israel shall not do iniquity, nor speak lies; neither shall a deceitful tongue be found in their mouth: for they shall feed and lie down, none shall make them afraid. ” Zephaniah 3:13
Safety, food, and rest! These most basic needs based on truth and trust are being met by God Himself for His children.
In the hands of their enemies, safety, food, and rest were never certain.
Now read these words of amazing comfort given to God’s people at end of this book of woes.
“The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty;
He will save,
He will rejoice over thee with joy;
He will rest in his love,
He will joy over thee with singing… (3:17)
…Behold, at that time I will undo all that afflict thee:
and I will save her that halteth,
and gather her that was driven out…” (3:19)
The end of your story and mine isn’t here and now. Keep reading.
Like me, you may seen a lot of heartbreak and misery unfold.
For Israel, war and captivity magnified misery.
Chronic pain and illness twists the knife in our daily living.
Relief is coming. It’s already paid for in full. ” HE has made Him (Jesus) to be sin for us, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.”
Your life may feel like a just another tale of human woe, but those that trust in the LORD will never be disappointed in the end!
Anyone want to just skip now to the end of the story? I know. Me, too. I can’t wait to read the end of your grace-filled story, either. Let’s pray for that ending where we glorify God and enjoy Him forever, together.