On Being Married and a Mind-Virgin, Part I

Who knew? Who knew that a married woman might need to commit to being a mind-virgin? (No, I did not coin this term. Click on over to girldefined.com to read that lovely blog.) With all the moral ruckus and rubbish swirling in the news, this topic? Now? Because, Christian sister, you are more vulnerable than most married women.

Sex, legitimate, saved-for-marriage sex was one perk of tying the knot, right? Then chronic, life-changing illness struck, and one sure sign that your man was not malingering his illness was that your sex life was gone or mostly absent. Especially in a young, virile man — not a normal problem.

Sex, being God’s magnificent plan, has His blessing and wall of protection around this beautiful garden: marriage. So what happens when you watch your lovely, private garden wilt and fade? You hurt and grieve. When you watch other families in your church and community bloom and grow, enjoying the fruits of their garden multiply, you may be tempted to be bitter and sour. Many days you may feel like a half-widow with many needs unmet.

Many of us have to leave our gardens and be bombarded by neon signs that say “Free pleasure, this way!” Or, “YOU deserve the best.” We toil and labor to meet our family’s physical needs, and sometimes it seems our husbands are locked away in a world of pain that we have no key to enter.

I am thrilled to remind you that if you are a daughter of the King, there is always a sparkling, flowing fountain of Living Water in your garden! READ ON!

Remember John 4? Jesus had a divine appointment with the woman at the well, who was,well, for lack of a better word, a sex-addict! She had tried marriage five times, and was currently fornicating when she met Jesus. Her garden wells had left her unquenchably thirsty.

‘Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life’.” John 4:13-14

Above all else, remember you must keep returning your heart’s focus to Jesus. Simple words, but ASK HIM for living water. Ask Him to encourage and fill your heart and mind for this not-so-normal pilgrimage. If He would give living water to the Samaritan woman, He will give it to you. Must. Have. Living. Water!!!

Stay tuned for more on being a mind-virgin.


3 thoughts on “On Being Married and a Mind-Virgin, Part I

  1. I just got married 19 months ago. I’m not young but I’m not old either. My husband has a chronic illness and cant fulfill his part of the physical marital vow. Its been very difficult on us both, but more me, since I am 8 yrs his junior and still healthy. I need support from other wives in this situation.


    • Rosanne, though I am now in my 40s, I have been traveling this “married but celibate” kind of life off and on for the past 10 years of our marriage as my hubby’s health has had ebbs and flows. I have an article in my head that will continue this conversation and hopefully provide encouragement. Prayers and blessings for faithful commitment to our perfect Spouse, Jesus Christ.


      • thank you for your reply. My husband of 19 months began having health issues about 6 months into the relationship….its been one thing after another. Now we are looking at a probable RA diagnosis. He is 62 but to look at him, you’d think he was 50. He is trim, muscular, etc. and when I first met him in 2013, he was healthy (although he had bypass surgery when he was 54, it was a total success and it didn’t affect him all that much). We’ve only been married a short time. It’s been a lot to deal with…. a new marriage (both been married twice before) and now the health issues, not easy….but I have my faith, it’s all that gets me through. Would you like to connect on Facebook? It might be easier to talk via messenger. Thanks for the repliy


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